Just like fashion, our food comes in different styles. Of course, the styles of food and fashion we choose are a matter of taste, and taste is objective.
Before I go much further with comparisons, I should note that my own taste veers away from using food adjectives to describe fashion. I wouldn’t describe a neatly tailored Burberry suit as “delicious,” just as I wouldn’t call an ensemble of well-worn Levi’s, an untucked cotton T-shirt, and a long-sleeve flannel “scrumptious.” However, both of these styles can be put together well, and like hamburgers–bear with me here–represent two ends of a taste spectrum. On one end of the spectrum, burger or fashion, is neat and tailored. On the other end we have the messy. Now, burgers I have absolutely no problem calling delicious, whatever their style.
grinding beef chuck
The way I see it there are two kinds of good burgers: the messy burger or the tailored burger. Examples of messy burgers would come from premium fast-food places like Portillo’s or Five Guys. Tailored burgers could be found at places like your corner restaurant, at a fine-dining restaurant such as San Francisco’s Zuni Cafe, or, as I will explain, in your home. I don’t care to delve into the hardcore world of big fast-food chains.
The significance of differing burger styles lies in the way the burger eats. In foodspeak, how something “eats” refers to all sensations we experience when eating something. If something eats well it usually means there is something memorable in every single bite. That could mean that in every bite of a burger there is a perfect ratio of bun to meat, pickle, lettuce, and cheese. How a burger eats takes into consideration not only the flavor of the burger but its texture and the way it is eaten. Because these two styles of burgers are put together differently they have differing ratios and types of ingredients, and different construction. We could say that a messy burger eats differently than a tailored burger.
Herein lies the matter of preference. Which burger eats better for you? Which burger do you like to eat, and why?
ground Angus chuck
So how do messy burgers and tailored burgers get dressed in the morning? Let’s start with the messy burger. The messy burger is usually based on a foundation of a single skinny beef patty. This single patty model is then built upon with successive layers of patties to achieve the desired effect, which is typically advertised by a pre-cooked patty weight such as third-pound, quarter-pound, or half-pound. In betwixt these layers of skinny beef patties–which are typically cooked until well done, either on a char grill such as those used at Portillos, or, most commonly, on a flat-top griddle–are thinly sliced pickles, white onions, leaves or shreds of iceberg lettuce, sliced American cheese, and fluid condiments including mayo, mustard, ketchup, or a secret sauce. Bacon is a popular accoutrement as its mastication lends a smoky, cheesy sensation to the messy burger. Finally, sandwiched on either end of this burger stack is an enriched white bun with or without sesame seeds.
messy burger
image: Lodigs on flickr
Hopefully after seeing how a messy burger is dressed you can get an idea of how it eats. These burgers are designed to be, overall, a wet and sloppy experience. Yes, the engineers of this hand-held food want to give you something that leaves a trail of its goodness all over your chin or all the way down your arm. The messy burger is a one-stop shop of unbridled, guilty pleasure. Once you start ripping into one of these things you can’t stop until all that’s left is a cheesy piece of parchment and a deep sigh of fulfillment.
burger massacre
Now, let’s take a look at the tailored burger. Much like the messy burger, the tailored burger gets up most mornings and puts on its piece of meat and two buns. But the outfit here is quite a bit different. There are layers here, but like the overall look, the layers are typically neat and tidy. The meat itself is most often larger than the patties of the messy burger, often weighing in at least the 8-ounce mark and often up to about 10 ounces. The meat is a mix of 80% lean red meat and 20% fatty meat, which results in a juicy burger that can be cooked to temperature. There always seems to be just enough juice for the bun to absorb, rather than an excess running down the wrist. The engineers of tailored burgers tend to be label whores who seek out big names in meat fashion, including Black Angus, Wagyu, or, increasingly, boutiques like Tallgrass Beef, Niman Ranch, or even non-beef meats such as bison.
bison burger
The business-like tailored burger keeps things interesting but safe by using a handcrafted bun, sometimes flavored and sometimes with even a soft pretzel-like crust, just to let its personality stand out a little. Accessories such as bibb or green leaf lettuce, tomato, and onion are carefully sliced and chosen wisely (raw onions are usually reserved for casual Fridays). Condiments, cheese, and bacon can be part of the tailored ensemble, just as with a messy burger, but again, labels are important here. Yellow mustard becomes Grey Poupon and American cheese becomes Roquefort, aged cheddar, and gouda, and bacon becomes “applewood smoked.” As you could imagine, the price is typically higher for a tailored burger. Mega fine-dining guru Daniel Boulud has even charged upwards of $100 for his signature burger. Recently, there have been reports of “the $16 burger” throughout New York City, hinting at the growing popularity of the tailored burger as a legitimate dining entree (with legitimate entree prices). Here, the burger could almost be eaten with a knife and fork, especially if it is ordered open-faced, that is, without the top bun, or even sans bun, or a slab of grilled country bread.
lamb burger with Meyer lemon relish, no bun
Let’s be honest. In this country, and probably every other country, burgers are thought of as fast food. Most Americans like burgers but some still prefer the knife-and-fork philosophy that defines a tailored burger. The tailored burger also provides an opportunity for chefs with “finer” dining establishments to give their customers something a little more laid back and comforting without the fear of getting messy or being scoffed at by their mean friends for patronizing a fast-food joint. If something can be made well, with the same integrity as any other dish on the menu, and doesn’t seem out of place, then by golly, grind some meat, bake some buns, and grill those burgers over a Woodstone charbroiler; throw some of last season’s pickled organic gherkins on the plate and serve with a steak knife.
Zuni burger
During grilling season, here in the Midwest people love to make burgers. This is a great opportunity for all cooks to flex their creativity and impress their friends by creating a relatively simple dish. These home-cooked burgers are primarily of the tailored breed. The home-style burger patty is typically freeform due to the lack of a patty mold. These balled patties are often spiced with packets of taco seasoning or doused with the first row of bottles from inside the refrigerator door. The hearty patties are also conducive to being stuffed with things like cheese or peppers. (We love to stuff our food at home because it makes it seem really fancy.) Buns are usually simple; condiments and lettuce, tomato, onion, and pickles are offered on the side. At home you can get as carried away as you like, as I did with the burger in the picture below. Above all, it is best to keep an open mind in the name of research. A treadmill would not be a bad research tool, either.
home-grilled olive burger with grilled broccoli rabe and goat's milk brie on an English muffin
Messy, please!
nice delicious burgers
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